Tokyo Teddy Bear
by BlackIceReiya
Summary: I want to change. Everything I had, I want to change it. Maybe one day, I'll change. For now, let's sleep, Teddy.


They don't need me, do they?

Yeah, everyone knows that.

My big sister's a star; my brother's a model, who would need me, the useless nobody?

I'm tired, really, why stay at a place where nobody needs me, why give them trouble, why force myself to smile when I wanted to cry so much? Why? I don't know.

I'm just so tired. I want to close my eyes and sleep forever, hide myself into my dreams and nightmares. I want to turn into the flowers and wither the next day. I want…to turn into a teddy bear, no worries, no problems, no thoughts at all.

I want to change.

Right, teddy?

Teddy is my teddy bear, he's my best friend.

Funny, my best friend is a teddy bear, hardly able to believe that I am twelve now.

Hahaha…haha…ha…Yeah, I'm so funny.

I look at the mirror, the same face, the same eyes, the same expression, the same shit.

I throw the mirror at the ground. It shattered into tiny little pieces and scratched my skin. Blood flows out, but it changes nothing. I want to change, my face, my eyes, my expression, my tears, my mind, my life.

Yeah, why don't I change? I mean, why not?

I don't know.

"Dinner, Miku, Kaito!" I hear my mom shout.

She forgot about me again, didn't she? Don't worry, I'm not sad, I'm used to it. It doesn't hurt me anymore like the first time.

I want to sleep.

Let's go, Teddy, I want to search for my dreams again.

Yeah, dreams, the only fragments of happiness I get.

Let's go search for them.

"Rin, dinner!"

She remembered me, how happy.

I don't want dinner; the only thing they get rid of is hunger, who cares how tasty they are. But I want to be happy; maybe my dreams will make me happy. I'll just go and sleep, tomorrow when I'm hungry again, I'll eat. I don't eat a lot, just the leftovers is enough.

I want to be happy.

I want to change.

Just once, I want to change, everything of me. But how? I really just don't know.

Maybe I need to leave; always staying in this crap isn't going to help me. Yeah, why not?

I don't know.

Do I just leave, or do I bring something with me?

Teddy, I'll bring Teddy. And some money. I'll need food once in a while, can't go on without food.

Where's my piggy bank again? Ah, here.

I throw it onto the ground and broke it into pieces like the mirror. The pieces torn my skin, they hurt, but I don't care. I move the pieces away and found sixty.

Probably enough, I think I'll be gone for a long time.

I walk towards the door, my foot sometimes stepped on the broken pieces, they dug into my flesh. I was bleeding again.

Need to bandage.

I took out all my bandages and bandage my legs. Strange, I look like I'm wearing high socks now. Maybe I used too much of these…

Let's go, Teddy.

I walked out of the room; the bright light shone and burned my eyes. I went downstairs and went straight for the door.

"Aren't you going to eat your dinner, Rin?" Mom asked.

"You're close to becoming a skeleton, you know that?" Miku smirked.

"I'm going out, and no, I don't want dinner, thank you." I said.

"Is your leg hurt?" Kaito asked, "Let me look at it."

"It's nothing," I said one more time, "Goodbye."

Sorry, mom, for all the troubles I've made.

Brother and sister…I'll be back…I think.

I went out.

It's night time now, dark and cold. I love it when it's dark; the black hides my face from people's eyes.

I walk along the road, the moon shone on the neighborhood, making it easier for me to see. I hug Teddy; it's so warm when I hug him.

What time is it? Eight, I think.

How do you change someone, I wonder.

Maybe time can change someone, as time passes, people change a lot. So maybe all I have to do is to try and let time take me away.

Tonight, I'll sleep somewhere, maybe…that box over there.

I walk towards the box in the small alley. It was a card box, just beside the garbage can. IT was small, but still big enough to put myself inside. I squeeze myself into the box and continued hugging Teddy.

Let's sleep, Teddy.

* * *

"Wake up…"

I moved away, wanting to sleep more.

"Wake up…"

I lifted my eyelids and look at the person who woke me.

"You can't sleep here."

A…boy. About my age…I think. He had that kind face and eyes. I admire those eyes. I stood up and got out of the card box.

"Sorry," I said.

He looked at me, "Why did you say sorry?"

"Because I gave you trouble." I replied.

"Don't worry, you're not trouble." He pointed at the streets, "That is trouble. It's dangerous at night; you don't want to sleep in a place like this." He stopped for a while, "Come with me, there's a park near here, it's quiet and safe."

I looked at him, why did he help me?

And then I noticed the stuff doll he was carrying.

"Bunny?" I asked.

The boy blushed and lifted up his stuff doll, "This is…Betty." He stopped again and looked at me, "I know it's…strange, to find a boy holding a doll…"

I lifted Teddy up and let the boy have a good look at Teddy, I said, "This is Teddy. And…you're not strange..."

He looked at me with a smile, "What's your name?"

"Me? I'm…Rin." I said, hugging Teddy.

"I'm Len," He smiled broadly, "Let's talk at the park. Come on."

He took out his hands to invite me.

But my hands…they were dirty, and I've still got a few drops of blood on them. His hands were so clean and fair. I don't want to make his hands dirty like mine too.

But before I could say anything, he took my hand and started walking real fast.

"Can I call you Rinny?" Len suddenly asked.

"Yes…" I replied, "Can I call you…Lenny?"

"Of course," He smiled.

His hands were…so warm.

* * *

The park was very quiet at night; the trees divided the moon light and let it shone down like beautiful crystals that had fallen from the night. The grass sway back and forth with the wind, the flowers gently said hello to me. The stars twinkled and looked at me and Len.

"Do you always sleep here?" I asked.

"Yes, it's the best place." He looked at me. "You're like me, aren't you?"

"Like…you?" I asked.

"Yes, like me." Lenny said, "Leave home, came out."

"Right…" I said, "I want to…do something. I want to…"

At the same moment, we said, "Change."

I looked at him, he just smiled and said, "I want to change all these, I feel so useless, no one for me to talk with, no one to play with…no one for me to…protect." He's smile died down, "I once tried to protect my worn-out dreams in my arms, but later I throw them into the garbage can. Why protect my dreams, when I can't even try to protect something? And then I realize, my dreams didn't belong in the garbage can."

He looked at the night sky, "I belong inside, I am the garbage."

I looked at him.

"…You're…not garbage." I said.

He looked at me with question marks popping out of his head, I continued, "Real garbage wouldn't want to change themselves. Because…even the rubbish in the bin has the right to reach out for their dreams. Right?"

He quietly looked at me, and then he laughed.

"What are you laughing for?" I asked.

"Because…you're right. Maybe I should just reach out more." He said.

"…What's your dream?" I asked him.

"To lead…a parade." He said, "Standing in front of all the people, marching. If I do lead a parade…I'll call it…the garbage parade."

"…You're not serious…right?" I asked.

"Actually, I am. And one day, can you join me in my parade?" Lenny asked.

I thought for a while, "Of course."

He smiled so widely, I almost thought he was crazy. Then he said, "What do you think of your life?"

I thought for a while before saying, "An abstract nonsense, because I feel abstract, and I live like a nonsense. What about you?"

"Me?" He stopped and said, "Chameleon symptom, because I like to hide like a chameleon."

"Hide?" I asked.

"Yes hide, because…I'm scared to talk to others. It's like they're always stronger than me."

I chuckled weakly, "So…do I look weaker than you?"

"NO!" He shouted immediately. "Please don't misunderstand me, I definitely didn't-"

"I'm just kidding." I laughed.

He sighed in relief, "It's just that…I feel like we're the same."

"The same…" I smiled, "Are we friends?"

He looked at me, "Of course we are…you're my only friend…besides Bunny."

"You're also my only friend…besides Teddy."

We both laughed.

Once I thought I need the largest scissors to cut off my face to change myself. I thought I need the biggest sewing machine to sew through my heart.

I didn't need those.

I wanted to be with Len.

"Let's sleep, I'm tired." Lenny said, "Come sleep with me, its warmer."

"Okay." I put Teddy down beside Lenny's Bunny and went with Lenny.

Let's go…Lenny.


End file.
